Life does not stop or even slow down because I am depressed, stressed out or unemployed. I still get to be a mom, a wife and do all the things I have to do no matter how I feel.  Suzanne- mom of 4

Life has changed for many people in the last few years since our nation declared itself in “recession” a couple of years ago.  Unemployment statistics do not tell the whole story of the recession, but the figures are alarming enough.

Although economic shifts always affect the American family, this downturn, both because of its depth and the disproportionate number of men being laid off, is adjusting roles and relationships at home perhaps more than at anytime since the Great Depression. It is recalibrating who earns the income, who picks up the kids at school, and who makes the weekly trip to the dump. (How the recession is reshaping the American family By Stephanie Hanes, Correspondent of The Christian Science Monitor / June 14, 2009)

Many of the moms I work with find themselves in search of  spiritual nourishment to help them deal with their circumstances. They’re looking for some kind of support and encouragement that will supply the motivation they need to keep plugging away. While dealing with depression, aggravated by the challenges of a sluggish economy, it may seem much more difficult to parent at times when our children test every ounce of our patience.

Here are some ideas to help yourself deal with low-to-moderate depression:

1. Reach out: Have lunch or coffee with a friend. Make sure you don’t isolate yourself even when it feels easier to stay in bed or watch TV all day. I know that calling a friend and connecting with someone who cares about me ALWAYS makes me feel a little better.

2. Go for a walk with a workout buddy: Not only does it help your “feel good” juice on your brain but it also encourages you to connect and avoid the dangers of isolation.

3. Eat healthy foods: Resist the temptation to indulge on junk food: Remember garbage in: garbage out

Most important: make sure to ask for professional help if your feelings get to be more than you can handle. You deserve to feel better and to get support. You are NOT alone!!

This post is going to be really short but I hope it gets you to think. Your mission, if you choose to accept   it, is to get a piece of paper and a pen (a journal, a notebook, a pad, a napkin… it doesn’t matter what!) and write a list of what is beautiful, inspiring, loving, funny and unique about your child. There are no wrong or right answers and whatever comes to mind is fine.

I know that I often get caught up on the daily challenges and forget what an amazing human being my daughter truly is. I sometimes forget what a privilege it is for both of us to grow up together!

In the interest of authenticity and transparency, I will go first.

So here is my list (so far)

• She has the deepest, shoe-button brown eyes you’ve ever seen!
• She cares for everything and everyone in a way that makes me feel so proud
• She is genuinely curious
• She could tell jokes as soon as she could talk
• She knows girls ROCK
• She thinks having brown skin is totally cool
• She wants to adopt 3 children because she doesn’t want any child to not have a mom
• She has an artistic sense I totally envy
• She’s the “me” I didn’t get to be

Now, you try. You’ll be surprised by the tears that start forming in your eyes as you re-discover the majesty of this life you brought forth and nourish everyday. Because you get it. You are a mom!

Have you ever started your day on the wrong foot? Did you get out of bed to the sound of your kids fighting over who gets to use the bathroom first? Have you walked in to a huge mess in the kitchen when you know full well it was clean before you went to bed? Are you spending way too much time arguing with your child about what to wear to school?

I don’t know a parent who hasn’t experience these or many other challenging situations that will start our day on the wrong side of sanity. . I don’t have to remind you of the challenge of raising children consciously, intentionally and Screamfree: it’s truly a labor of love all the way through.

There are no magic answers and of course, nobody knows your children the way you do. But, no matter how difficult the situation may be or how tired you are of dealing with any particular issue with your child, one thing is true: Only one of you can be having a meltdown at a time!

Keeping your cool at these difficult times is one of the keys to successful parenting. Your children are counting on you to remain calm. No good comes from retaliation or reaction. You can’t be in charge in you can’t be in control of yourself!

At every stage of their development, new issues and challenges emerge as well as new adventures and milestones. Focusing on the things your child is actually doing well is one strategy that helps your child feel seen and heard: what you focus on grows, so make sure you are pointing out the behavior you want to see more of.

Having clear expectations in regards to behavior and consequences gives our children the opportunity to succeed while also teaching them that in the “real world” we all are responsible for our behavior and there are consequences to everything we do. Since we are our kids first teachers, why not make the lesson worthwile??
“A master can tell you what he expects of you. A teacher though, awakens your own expectations.” Patricia Neal

Spicy Pumpkin Soup Recipe with
Coconut Milk by The Gluten Free Goddess

I am not a big fan of pumpkin, but this soup made me a believer… I love curry and this makes a delicious meal along with some corn bread. Definitely one worth giving it a try and I love that it uses coconut milk!!

1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon Thai Kitchen red curry paste
1 15-oz can pumpkin or squash (Trader Joes sells them(
1 15-oz can Muir Glen Fire Roasted Diced Tomatoes with Green Chiles
1 heaping cup roasted corn kernels
1/2 cup Frontera Jalapeno- Cilantro Salsa
1 cup light broth
1 14-oz. can coconut milk, as needed
Sea salt and fresh ground pepper
Chopped cilantro, to taste- dried or fresh
1 teaspoon raw organic agave nectar
Juice from 1 fresh lime

Heat the olive oil in a heavy soup pot over medium-low heat and add the garlic, cumin and curry paste; stir for one minute. Add the pumpkin, fire roasted tomatoes with green chiles, roasted corn, and salsa. Stir to combine.

Add the broth. Heat through to a simmer, and begin adding the coconut milk; start with one cup. If you like it creamy, add more. Season with sea salt and ground pepper, cilantro and sherry. Heat through gently and bring to a slow simmer.

Taste test and add the fresh lime juice to brighten the flavor. Stir. Add more spice if you need more heat; add more agave and/or coconut milk if you need less heat.

Serve with organic blue corn tortilla chips.

Makes four servings.

Read more at this great website The Gluten Free Goddess

Do you know anyone in your life who you’d consider a control freak? Anyone who has to have everything just so and who seems so unhappy when life throws curve balls his/her way? The classroom mom who always has the perfect goodie bag for every holiday but whose kids tell you mom is not happy? Or the neighbor whose kids are always impeccably dressed but who can’t play outside? Or the stressed out mom whose house always looks like the Pottery Barn catalog while she has 5 kids under the age of 10?

For many years, I had struggled with the idea that I had “control issues”. Let’s face it: it is not  a nice “label” to put on anyone as it conjures ideas of a pushy, overbearing, controlling maniac trying to get everyone to do what he/she wants ? The truth is, I was a very discreet controller. I planned and plotted and stressed not only about my own performance but that of the people I was trying to “direct”. But even at times when I couldn’t get perfection to be the result, I didn’t yell at anyone or blow my top. I just simply stressed out in the privacy of my own thoughts. I wasn’t a Type A personality: I was a type A++!!

I’ve spent many years figuring out where that desire to control my surroundings and the people in them came from. That’s a lot less interesting than knowing when it all started to change: Once upon a time (roughly about 11 years ago) I decided that I was ready to become a mother. Both my husband and I had stable jobs, we love each other, owned a home. So, if my calculations were right, a child should be coming down the pipe (no pun intended) soon after I declared my decision to anyone who’d listen. It turned out not to be that easy for many reasons and it took a bit longer than I had anticipated, planned or even wished for. It was at that point that the journey towards recovery began.

Once I was pregnant it became clear that someone or something else was in control. I took  good care of myself and did all the things new moms do to have a healthy pregnancy. However, the possibilities of failure, the speed in which the baby grew, whether it was a boy or a girl, or even when the baby decided to be born, were a few of the things that secretly frustrated me, as I realized how little I could do about any of that. In the end, our baby was 10 days overdue with no indication of wanting to come out.

I do have to admit,however, that through the magic of those 41 1/2 weeks I would often get a glimpse at the idea that maybe, just maybe, if I let go of my need to control every step of this journey, I would get to enjoy it even more. I managed to let go many times but there were others where I failed miserably.

Thankfully, it all turned out just fine.. in its own divine timing. And now, almost 10 years later, our daughter has been the greatest exercise in letting go and letting God. Really. I have learned so far, that although I am responsible to her, I am not responsible for her actions, her decisions or her ideas. She has her own and my job is to guide her, inspire her and at times to say simply “not on my clock you don”t!!”

Anyone who has soulfully engaged in raising a child knows that we influenced our children a great deal, but they come wired with their own personalities and their own preferences, no matter how messy, unpleasant and even frustrating they may be to the rest of us. It is this adventure into “rolling with the punches” that has allowed me to support moms struggling with the idea that the only way to be a good mom is to be Supermom.

I can now proudly call myself “a recovering control freak“: no shame and no regrets.I have found a place where I can have forgiveness, grace and patience for myself and for that part of me that for whatever reason felt the need to control. I can now (most of the time anyway!) be kind to myself when the control freak monster rears his head out and find a way to see the gift in the process. As our daughter approaches the teen years, I am so grateful for the wisdom and understanding that has come with learning to be open and teachable. Being flexible is not just about our bodies but also about our minds.

What places are calling for you to be more flexible and open?

My husband and I both agree that, all and all, our child is pretty easy going. Considering my line of work, I’d like to say that all my training, work and experience working with families has contributed to her well-mannered, loving, thoughtful, compassionate, caring, smart and social nature. If it were that easy. The truth is that she came wired that way: from a young age she “got” empathy and sympathy and the meaning of sharing.

Having said all that, her easy-going-nature doesn’t spare us the challenges of having a tween who also is figuring it the world and where she fits, mood changes and all!

After a fun time with one of her favorite people in the whole wide world, my almost 10 year-old was tired, frustrated and sad, a challenging mix when mom was feeling the same way for very different reasons. Using what I like to call “her fighting” words, she was flinging all kinds of snarky and sarcastic comments my way while I was trying to find my way out of downtown Seattle. You’d think that I would remain calm and cool and use all my Screamfree techniques to help diffuse the situation. Well, I didn’t. At least not at first!

No sooner had she said her last “whatever”, I went on lecturing her about the lack of appreciation and how selfish she was… About all the ways I’d like to have spent the time it took to get her to and from the game. How she never thought of how lucky she was.. and blah..blah blah blah blah….

I’ve heard many responses and rebuttals from her in the past. Anything from the “I hate you” to the “just leave me alone mom”. But that night, she decided to push my buttons with one of those “heart daggers” by enlightening me to the fact that “you just don’t get it mom”. Me? Not get it?  Really, you think I haven’t hear any of this before?

It was in that moment, that I realized that more than anything, I was called to be “the cool” mom I always want to be, even at times when I fall short.. really short. Looking at the red light in front of us, I remembered that unless I took a hold of my own feelings and the buttons she was pushing, I was only going to make the drive back home a nightmare for both of us.

I took a deep breath and told her that since neither one of us seemed to be able to be nice to each other, we were both going to be quiet until we got home. She didn’t argue and within 10 minutes, she was sound asleep in the back of the car, reminding me that our worst “back talking” episodes occur when one or both of us are tired.

Keeping your cool is not always easy or even natural for many of us. Anger has been always been a “nasty” word for me, especially growing up in a family where girls didn’t get “angry”. If your child is less than “agreeable” the challenges is even bigger!

But there’s one thing I know for sure: It is best NOT to hide my anger but to controlled it, to be accountable for my own feelings. I believe that the powerful message that sends to our daughter is that it’s OK to be angry, but that we are responsible for the decisions we make (or don’t make) while angry. So, what if I have to “pretend” I have it under control? What if I have to fake being “cool” when I am ready to crawl out of my skin? What if the other person is pushing every single button on the “dashboard” of my life?

Our minister at church told us once some very wise words that I continue to do my best to live by: no matter what is going on in your life, remember that people may be pushing your buttons, but they didn’t install the system!

What buttons get your system in read alert?

After all the excitement of the first day of school, the sharing and the getting ready for the next day, I found myself struggling to get my 9 year old to bed on time. It just felt that despite all my efforts to slow her down from a great day at school, she was what I like to call “wired for sound” Can you relate?

Although I hope this is just an isolated incident, I am keenly aware that many of the moms I work with feel exhausted and worn out when they face night after night of battling with their kids to get them to go to bed and STAY in bed.

For many of us moms, the idea of going to sleep, sounds like a wonder ful proposition: moms rarely feel that they get enough of it! Our kids don’t’ see it quite the same way: the idea of getting to sleep is not nearly as appealing to them as it to us. For them, it means the fun has to stop.

Here are some simple ideas that have worked for me and I hope you find some inspiration to hang in there if you are facing the sometimes impossible task to get your child to get some “zzzz”:

1.Make the hour before bedtime quiet, peaceful and an opportunity to slow down. Make it fun! Include things that your child loves to do: read his favorite book or tell him his favorite story or play his favorite music. Make the idea of going to bed appealing!

If your child is older, make sure to start the routine early enough to transition them slowly from the daytime activity to a more relaxed state. Watching TV or playing computer games has been shown to “accelerate” brain activity and be less conducive to sleep-readiness.

2. Have a clear routine that your child understands: get a warm bath, put pajamas on, brush teeth, read story. Whatever is important to you and your child should be part of a consistent routine you follow most nights.

3.Take the opportunity of closeness that bedtime affords. Our children grow so fast and need less and less of our intervention at bedtime.  Until very recently, our 9-year-old would ask us to lie down in bed with her after the lights went out. She has now asked us to let her go to sleep on her own. I can’t tell you how much I miss that little “snuggling” time but I knew it wasn’t going to last forever. I am glad I enjoyed while it lasted!

4. Watch what you feed them in the evening: Avoid sugary foods and drinks. Avoid feeding them chocolate and other foods with caffeine. For some kids (mine being one of them) even small amounts too close to bedtime can mean the difference between a cooperative child and one who sneaks a flashlight to read after the lights are out!!!

5. Slow down yourself: Many children think they are missing something when they can hear parents talking and having a good time while they are lying in bed trying to fall asleep. Your child will pick up on your energy: if you are frazzled and all over the place, it may make it more difficult for them to find the peace and relaxation necessary to move into a bedtime. Take a few deep breaths and keep cool, no matter how much they are stalling!!!

Remember: Whatever the challenge is right now, this too shall pass!!!

Now that school has officially started for my 4th grader, there’s a quiet around the house that at first was unnerving. It seems, however, like the perfect time to contemplate what this new “year” marked both by my birthday and the start of the school year brings into my practice and my own personal growth.

F0r the last 2 months, I have enjoyed watching my daughter daydream, make up characters and give them voices, turn cardboard boxes into stuff animals hand-gliders and find different shapes in the clouds. Yet, this Summer slipped through my fingers as water through a sift. No Summer camps or too many activities. Just clean, simple fun.

One thing I have realized as I faced a budgeted time this Summer, that I, like many Americans who are feeling the pinch from this economy, have become even more creative in the way I spent my time and my resources looking for ways to ensure a safe, loving and fun environment for our daughter to spread her wings.

I have struggled with the self-imposed guilt of choosing not to buy all the technology, toys and gadgets many of her friends have. I have had to say things like “Buying that (fill in the blank) is not how your dad and I are choosing to spend our money”. We have chosen to give our child more “experiences” and less “things”.

This approach may seem logical and even responsible, but it is not always easy explaining to an almost 10 year old why we feel that another Wii game or a $100 doll won’t necessarily help her discover who she came here to be. Even if we indulge in buying that flat screen TV she’s been wanting since she was 5 and watch nature shows or an musical show in PBS, it doesn’t necessarily help her find the magic of life.

We have stood firm in our belief that there will be plenty of time for all these things. For now, as we still have her attention and her desire to connect, we play Bananagrams and Scrabble or go to the local farm to pick up blueberries. When I see the look of joy in her face after she argued she didn’t want to participate, my guilt vanishes.

Our goal: keeping the magic alive.

How do you remain present with your children in the midst of a culture that pushes all of us to find joy in the “things” we buy not the people we love?

Functioning with depression is like living with a 2 ton weight sitting on your chest — you want to get up and move, you want to try to do what needs to be done,  but you can’t find the motivation, energy or strength.” Marilyn- mom of 2

Can you relate to the above statement? I can. Life has a way of showing me the places where there’s a “edge” that may need to be polished in the fire of personal challenges. Depression is one of those fires that, unwelcome at first, may very well be a point of growth and enrichment when as parents, we choose to see it that way.

Dealing with depression has been one of the biggest challenges of both my personal and professional life. Many people mistakenly view depression as a “moral failing,” said Allen J. Dietrich, M.D., co-chair of the MacArthur Foundation Initiative on Depression & Primary Care. Our society seems to still stigmatize depression as a personal flaw that should be kept in the closet.

As someone who has suffered from depression, I like to ask my clients if they would feel the same shame and guilt if the diagnosis was diabetes or cancer. As any other potentially chronic condition, depression can affect our ability to be the kind of mom we would like to be.

The biggest misconception some of the moms I work with have is that their depressed feelings, fatigue, irritability, inability to concentrate and loss of interest are something they just need to deal with, alone. I find myself navigating this very same journey and don’t claim to have all the answers. But, how about we start with giving ourselves permission to not be “happy” all the time?

The school year has started in many parts of our country and some of us are facing the start in the coming days a time of excitement and heighten stress. Whether you have been diagnosed with depression or simply feel overwhelmed by the mere thought of dealing with that cloud over your head, know that you are not alone.

Depression affects everything you do, including parenting. How do you parent while dealing with any chronic condition? Do you feel that there is something intrinsically wrong with you because some days you can barely get out of bed? Have you shared those feelings with any of your most intimate friends or family?

Summer is that lazy, hazy time, when we really like to kick back! But this is a great time to get going with your family fun, something that may have been sidetracked during the school year. Family fun can be simple, 50s style, easy activities. However, it takes making a plan to have this happen!

Gather your family together to brain storm what is most important to each person. Family members need to each have one special activity for the summer. Get out your calendar and write these in. Otherwise, summer will be over before you know it.

Stumped on ideas for fun? Here we go!
• Homemade ice cream
• Ice cream sundae party
• Board games
• Sprinklers galore
• Bike rides
• Popcorn and movie night
• Sleep under the stars
• Bake cookies
• Walk a nature trail
• Pick berries
• Grow a garden
• Volunteer at a thrift shop
• Bubbles
• Side walk chalk art

All of these affordable ways to have fun take just a few minutes of preparation, but you will be thrilled you did!

Certified Professional Organizer and Family Manager Coach Ellen Delap is the owner of Professional-Organizer.com. Since 2000, she has worked one on one with her clients in their home and offices streamlining their environment, creating effective strategies for an organized lifestyle and help prioritize organization in their daily routine. She holds ADD and Chronic Disorganization certificates and specializes in working with ADD and ADHD adults and students. Ellen has been featured at The Woodlands Home and Garden Show, on ABC13 Houston, in the Houston Chronicle and regularly contributes to national blogs and publications. To learn more about her and her work, visit www.professional-organizer.com, tweet her @TexasOrganizer or become a fan on her Facebook Fan Page Professional-Organizer.com.